you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
