My liver just broke up with me...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
