Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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