I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
