I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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