White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
