I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
