I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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