new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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