you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
