my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
