Your mouth is God's brothel.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
