I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
