dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
