a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
