You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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