I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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