so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
