I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
