i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize