it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize