The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
