You just made me feel so damn special
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
