oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
