I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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