White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
