Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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