My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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