Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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