"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
