is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
