i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
