dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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