I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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