you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
