You work out of a Hotel?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
