if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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