I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
