when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
