GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
