The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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