You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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