and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
