Can i not drive my cunt home
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
