Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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