Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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