considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
