I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize