I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
