I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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