Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

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  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2599) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator

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  (423): I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator http://tfl.nu/6zcj
  Replies (27) Good night (1414) Bad night (4781)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh

  (513): View more from Ohio

  is this your pickup line?

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  (304): my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh (513): is this your pickup line? http://tfl.nu/r4ba
  Replies (20) Good night (1007) Bad night (5483)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.

  (406): View more from Montana

  IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.

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  (509): Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober. (406): IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out. http://tfl.nu/sia4
  Replies (10) Good night (1219) Bad night (4145)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved

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  (516): its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved http://tfl.nu/wek7
  Replies (11) Good night (5445) Bad night (1470)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help

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  (917): I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help http://tfl.nu/ynln
  Replies (26) Good night (5768) Bad night (2115)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  they just started filling water ballons with vodka.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  on my way.

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  (702): they just started filling water ballons with vodka. (1-702): on my way. http://tfl.nu/jo3z
  Replies (13) Good night (4121) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?

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  (405): Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird? http://tfl.nu/uuel
  Replies (10) Good night (2446) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself

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  (303): I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself http://tfl.nu/q2o1
  Replies (3) Good night (1417) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This is the weirdest negotiation ever.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.

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  (678): This is the weirdest negotiation ever. (814): This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue. http://tfl.nu/rt97
  Replies (1) Good night (2107) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.

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  (502): Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway. http://tfl.nu/fbtk
  Replies (14) Good night (3661) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one

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  (406): I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one http://tfl.nu/6xky
  Replies (3) Good night (1020) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.

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  (289): I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me. http://tfl.nu/j2zo
  Replies (7) Good night (1024) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.

  (310): View more from California

  But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.

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  (310): Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird. (310): But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better. http://tfl.nu/lfnf
  Replies (1) Good night (676) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My life hurts

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake

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  (615): My life hurts (615): I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake http://tfl.nu/1mlr
  Replies (2) Good night (306) Bad night (455)

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