ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left