3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
