Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.

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  (804): it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself. http://tfl.nu/cxw0
  Replies (12) Good night (450) Bad night (3255) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.

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  (920): Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later. http://tfl.nu/9vwo
  Replies (4) Good night (2066) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.

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  (847): No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv. http://tfl.nu/ej96
  Replies (37) Good night (1678) Bad night (4064) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.

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  (517): Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops. http://tfl.nu/nf4z
  Replies (9) Good night (4130) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

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  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (3059) Bad night (8390) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat

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  (902): The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat http://tfl.nu/pk4p
  Replies (3) Good night (2663) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.

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  (304): It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly. http://tfl.nu/eai2
  Replies (7) Good night (970) Bad night (2284) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?

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  (828): Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight? http://tfl.nu/35kg
  Replies (10) Good night (672) Bad night (2522) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.

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  (914): Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names. http://tfl.nu/zaoe
  Replies (4) Good night (2423) Bad night (432)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  next time on intervention

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  (519): isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks? (416): yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off. (519): next time on intervention http://tfl.nu/rnty
  Replies (1) Good night (2504) Bad night (481)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (1989) Bad night (477)
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  (310): View more from California

  True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?

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  (310): True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant? http://tfl.nu/aiag
  Replies (6) Good night (981) Bad night (1545) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.

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  (920): He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast. http://tfl.nu/jvhf
  Replies (5) Good night (566) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.

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  (248): in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins. http://tfl.nu/5x9x
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.

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  (985): No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/hp4k
  Replies (3) Good night (485) Bad night (140)

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