so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.