Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them

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  (415): u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them http://tfl.nu/vc7z
  Replies (43) Good night (3771) Bad night (723)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

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  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (6320) Bad night (948)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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  (254): In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/fy1k
  Replies (8) Good night (2917) Bad night (1216)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

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  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (8171) Bad night (1034)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.

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  (914): He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now. http://tfl.nu/ph35
  Replies (15) Good night (1394) Bad night (3375)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.

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  (401): We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/48jv
  Replies (8) Good night (3429) Bad night (982)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  ....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.

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  (937): I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before. (419): ....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return. http://tfl.nu/j7d7
  Replies (21) Good night (2244) Bad night (646)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up

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  (814): Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up http://tfl.nu/ova6
  Replies (3) Good night (462) Bad night (1404)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.

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  (770): Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/1wjc
  Replies (6) Good night (1846) Bad night (536)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.

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  (985): Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece. http://tfl.nu/t3ih
  Replies (6) Good night (1123) Bad night (700)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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  (660): What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food. http://tfl.nu/k4pm
  Replies (10) Good night (1158) Bad night (441)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.

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  (334): He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird. http://tfl.nu/8c4b
  Replies (3) Good night (291) Bad night (457)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.

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  (+44): It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution. http://tfl.nu/zvzs
  Replies (2) Good night (465) Bad night (222)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink

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  (202): Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink http://tfl.nu/99ua
  Replies (5) Good night (551) Bad night (333)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.

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  (612): You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now. http://tfl.nu/ym19
  Replies (6) Good night (216) Bad night (599)

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