all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's the barista slut.
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no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.