walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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