I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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