So drunk its hurt
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
