I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
